Sex and Cars Episode 269

Swell AI Transcript: 269 Sex in Cars.output.mp3

John: We're gonna have a little bit of fun on No Driving Gloves today, we think.

Derek: Wait, wait, wait. Gonna have fun today? We always have fun, John.

John: Well, yes, but we're gonna have a little bit of extracurricular fun. Ah, yes. This is episode 269, and while you listen to the intro, you can figure out what's to come.

Voice Over: So, you wanna talk about cars? CRX, and even down to your great-granddad Spearless. Welcome to No Driving Gloves, the Car Talk Authority, where experience, knowledge, and controversy share the same seat. Enjoy the ride. Now your hosts, John and

John: Well, you've got Derek and John again. It's no driving gloves. We're gonna… We don't celebrate too many episodes. I think we had a celebration back on episode 100 many, many years ago. I noticed this episode number, and I go, I'm gonna take advantage of it. We are gonna discuss sex in cars. We'll just go ahead and start. It's a very clinical thing. I have a WebMD article on it. Believe it or not, that is about sex in cars. Car sex is simply any sex that takes place in a car. There are a number of reasons why people may try to have sex in their car. A lack of privacy where they live. A fetish. or curiosity. Car sex can involve a number of complicating factors, such as constricted spaces, a lack of privacy. However, it can also be safe and fun. The article goes on to say how to explore car sex, safety advice and special considerations. And then there's actually if it's an addiction and signs there's a problem. But I'm not going to ask you and we'll leave it to wonder, but lots of people have had car sex. Obviously, WebMD feels it's a normal activity. It's a little odd to say, Derek, jump into this one, but just jump in when you have any statements or feelings. I really don't care if you've ever had sex in your car and you really don't want my graphic descriptions and me to post videos. Right.

Derek: Exactly. Exactly. No, I mean, obviously, number one, sex is normal, right? That's just a normal factor in all human existence. OK, but sex in cars, car sex, whatever we want to label this as is actually there's some interesting history behind it, too, because, you know, we have to look back at the very earliest days. The automobile really changed a lot in our world and One of those things is courting, dating other people. With the car, you can now go further distances from either the town you lived in to the next town or maybe the next town over after that, meet new people. There wasn't a lot of privacy always, like John said. Sometimes you don't have privacy in your house, especially as a young adult. The automobile gave people an opportunity to get away, date new people, and we all know what that leads to. The automobile and sex are intertwined. I mean, the way just things developed after the introduction of the automobile. So this isn't anything I think abnormal to talk about. It's just normal. And it's what happens when we are able to get away. This is a huge part of automobile history in my from my take on it, of course, being the historian and the the the nerd on the show, let's call it. Yeah, I mean, this is I think this is fascinating to talk about. And, you know, john, I know we've got some interesting articles to talk about on this show. And, you know, I mean, there's there's a lot of, like I say, there's a lot of history here, because there's a lot of, you know, there's a lot of stories that come out of the idea of car sex, sex in cars. And, you know, sometimes it's talked about that, oh, you know, Henry Ford made the backseat of Model T's really uncomfortable because he didn't want people, kids taking a Model T out and having sex in the backseat and blah, blah, blah. I've never been able to substantiate that, right? There's never been anything that you can find in writing that Henry was like, we're going to make the backseat terribly uncomfortable. It really just came down to the Model T was a cheap car, so it didn't have great interior. It didn't have a lot of padding. Uh, stuff like that, but, you know, so there's that's an interesting, go ahead.

John: Let me say just kind of an interesting statement because I'm sitting here thinking. Model T1908, right?

Derek: Yes. They're introduced in October of 1908 as 1909 model years.

John: Prior to that, all I'm thinking is like Curvedash Olds, mother-in-law seats. Everything I'm thinking of, while I'm sure there are some examples, really didn't have back seats. To me, the Model T might actually be the vehicle that introduced the back seat. And I can't see Henry Ford going, hmm, we're going to make the back seat uncomfortable because we know what they've been doing in the front seats.

Derek: Exactly i mean and and yes i mean the model t itself was probably i mean it became the most popular automobile. In that period right it over the over the years they built it fifteen million model keys yes the model t touring car was the most present vehicle with a backseat there had been others with rear entrance to nose things like that the problem i could see the problem with you know. Try to have a little fun in the back of a car with a rear entrance to know is you get going little too much the door pops open everybody falls out that be a bad thing. Again, going back, and I know we talked over each other a little bit just a minute ago, John, but the mother-in-law seat that you bring up. There's a reason it became nicknamed the mother-in-law seat or given that name, because when two young kids would go out on a date, a lot of times, and we've got to remember we're talking the early 20th century here, the early 1900s, it was common practice that the young lady's parent, typically the mother, would go on the date with you so no mischievous activity would occur. There's a reason that single backseat became known as a mother-in-law seat, because it's where your possible future mother-in-law might ride on a date so that she knew you weren't up to anything fishy with her daughter.

John: Who paid for her when you went to the restaurant?

Derek: You know, I don't know. I don't know that. Hopefully you don't have to go Dutch. That'd be terrible.

John: Well, I would think you might want to go Dutch if you've got to bring the mother-in-law along. I don't really want to pay her. I mean, I'm not.

Derek: That's true. But seeing she's the adult and has the money, she should pay for everybody, especially if she likes you. Right. Maybe that's what it was. If she likes you, the bill was taken care of. If she doesn't like you as her future son-in-law, you got stuck with the bill. Maybe that's how you knew.

John: Yeah, I'm going to use the mother-in-law seat was just a conniving way that guys had to bring somebody along to pay for the date. Maybe your theory about supervision's right. Maybe my theory about economics is right.

Derek: Or I'm going to throw out a full agree to disagree. I'm going to throw out a third theory. Maybe there was a fetish going on.

John: I didn't want to go there.

Derek: So it's an interesting topic. It's a perfect episode to talk about it. There's a long history of this topic. And let's get into it, John.

John: Well, the first thing, I've got two articles by two different legal teams, one's by Summit Defense, which is a group of lawyers in California, and another one is the SCLG Law Group, also a group of lawyers in California. I guess this topic's very popular in California. The one from Summit Defense I was updated April 11th is having sex in a car against the law, according to them, under California law. I have, you know, look at, you know. call your own attorney to find out how it is for you. You are allowed to have sex in your car, but you must also understand the laws that apply to your situation. Generally, it is illegal to have sex in public if a reasonable person believes that someone will see them. Therefore, if you do not have reasonable expectation of privacy and you decide to have sex in your car, you could be brought up on criminal charges. On the other hand, if you are having sex in your car and a reasonable person believes they are in private, you will unlikely be charged or convicted. To figure out what is considered public and private, it is critical to take a closer look at some of the laws in California that may apply. So they're saying you can do it, just don't get seen. Or you can do it, but do it with a reasonable expectation that you won't be seen. And then they get into some of the California car sex laws. Ironically, the first thing is the California Penal Code, Section 647A. We won't even get into that. I just always find it funny that you have penal codes from reference to sex. Yes. Is it illegal to have sex in public in California? It is illegal to have sex in public if there is a reasonable belief that someone might see you and be offended by your activities. Some descriptions that could apply to these activities would include indecent exposure, public indecency, public lewdness, disorderly conduct, and then what is considered a public place. So these are all questions that you have to come into account. are taken into account, and then they go on with the, when is it legal to have sex in a car in California? Generally, it is legal to have sex in your car if you have a reasonable expectation of privacy, like it's already been said. For example, the vehicle is parked on your private property, you would have a reasonable argument for privacy. Perhaps the car is parked in your garage and nobody else is present in your garage at the time. On the other hand, if you're having sex in your car in the middle of a parking lot during the day where there's a high likelihood that someone else will arrive in the parking lot and see you, therefore, this action will probably be considered illegal. Again, check your laws. But overall, I'm a complete believer that it's legal to have sex in your car.

Derek: I mean, I think one hundred percent it is. And it's exactly what the California law states is you can do it. Just remember that sex in public, if you are caught or seen and someone is offended, no matter if you're in a car, on a park bench, whatever, that's not legal. That is I don't think there's any state where that's legal. I haven't looked into every state law, but. That's just kind of common knowledge. So just because you're in a vehicle, you do have some privacy, obviously, with not being in the open air of a park bench or something like that. But yeah, don't get seen. Don't get caught. It's kind of like everything. Right, John? I mean, it's only breaking the law if you get caught.

John: So I didn't see it. I didn't do it.

Derek: Exactly. It also, you know, it makes me think because a lot of, uh, early cars, when you get into enclosed cars, sedans, uh, things like that, you know, the back seat, the, the rear window and the two, uh, rear quarter windows that are on like a five passenger sedan of say the twenties thirties era, they all have. Roll down shades. So you just pull those shades down and the back seats pretty much, uh, non-visible.

John: So if you're in your retro van, go back to my minivan episode three or four episodes ago. But if you're in your van and you have the privacy curtain pulled and it's a cargo van with no windows, that is a reasonable expectation of privacy to me. Now, if you don't have sound editing and that and cries of passion are being able to be heard, I wonder if that violates the law.

Derek: It didn't say anything about audible, though. It only said visual. It only talked about if you're seen.

John: Yeah, it does say see, because I'm at now at the S.L.G.C. of the the showies law group website and their question, is it illegal to have sex in a car? And they fit. They state no jurisdiction in the U.S. has a law that specifically states that is a crime for people to have sex in the car. This is from them. I didn't check every jurisdiction in the United States. However, people can be charged with a sex crime if they do the following. One, commit sexual intercourse, engage in sexual activity, or partake in some similar conduct while in a car. And two, they do so in a public place where people can see what is happening. So again, it's like you said, that word see.

Derek: I think it always comes down to the visual aspect because that's what people are offended by is seeing something lewd or unexpected that, like I've already said, you know, it's sex in public where you can be, you know, seen say on a, like I said, already at park bench. We all, well, hopefully we all know that that's, that's illegal. You're going to get caught. You're going to get arrested. You're going to be in trouble for that.

John: Well, I can't say you're gonna get caught.

Derek: You just have a high likelihood of getting caught. Go to a park that nobody ever goes to and you'll be safe.

John: Well, that goes into this law firm's definition of what is public sex. A public act is generally one of one that affects the whole people of the community. However, whether or not sex is considered a public act is largely dependent on the laws of the applicable jurisdiction and the facts of the case. Keep in mind that sexual or lewd acts would probably be considered public if they occurred in a car located on or in a parking lot, a public park, a sports complex, and or an alleyway clearly visible by passerbys. However, it is questionable if state law would criminalize sex in a car if there was little or any chance of a person to actually see inside the vehicle.

Derek: Again, that's why in movies you always see they fog up the windows with the heavy breathing. Nobody can see in. Nobody can see you. It's not illegal to fog up your windows, people.

John: Interesting turn of events. In early August, it came out that San Francisco and a few other cities are experimenting with driverless cars, i.e. they're like taxis that have no driver. And we could get into all of that. But basically, couples are having sex inside these driverless cars so they can go, they get in the vehicle, the car's driving around, which to me would be borderline whether or not I expected to be seen. You know, technically that last article didn't say public highways and roadways, but I'm driving by other cars, but people have been caught having sex inside their driverless cars, which also makes you wonder about wiping the car down before you get in. But you go for your ride in a driverless taxi. But it was multiple Californians have admitted to having sex in driverless cars in San Francisco, which I know a slight law in San Francisco. It is actually legal to walk down the street naked in San Francisco, provided you are not doing it to arouse other people.

Derek: OK, first question, how do you know this law exists?

John: That's one of these stupid pieces of trivia I know. I can also tell you about some sex things in Washington state, but we don't want to go there.

Derek: Second question. Have you ever been to San Francisco? No. No. OK, then that negates the third question.

John: We said we weren't going to go there.

Derek: I wasn't going to ask you if you had sex in a driverless car. I was going to ask you if you ever walked down the street naked in San Francisco not to arouse anyone in San Francisco. No. Oh, the walk of shame.

John: No, that's not necessarily the walk of shame. Walk of shame is going home in yesterday's clothes from somebody else's place. Walking down the street naked, I think, is a walk of what would we call it?

Derek: Hopefully, inebriation.

John: No, because if it was inebriation, it could possibly be argued that you were doing it with an intent to arouse. That's true. I would say it's a vote of self-confidence. If you're confident enough to walk away around way man did in prehistoric times or woman did in prehistoric times and embrace that point in history, it should be OK.

Derek: I don't have an argument, John. I don't.

John: I don't know if he has an argument or doesn't want to have an argument. I've got an article that has. Who's this from? Medium dot com. They have a collaboration of various autos and bodies and stories of sex in their vehicles. When I previewed this the other day, they some were poems, some were not. A lot of these are poems. I'll just link this article and you can pop through and see what what you think. I don't think I want to sit here and read every every story to you, but they have a discussion of Sex and Car, 76 Chevy Nova, 2012 Dodge Charger, 1998 Chevy Spark, 1970 Pontiac GTO, 2016 Honda Civic, 1999 hot Toyota Corolla. 1993 Nissan Sentra. 1999 Ford Explorer. This is one of those stupid ones where they put white text over a really, really, really light background, but it looks like a 2007 Nissan Tidia S. which looks like a Nissan Versa for Americans, 1982 Ford F-150, 1991 Jeep Cherokee and a 2006 Volkswagen Rabbit. So if any of those are your car, there's a story for you to get.

Derek: You know, and going back to some of the history of this, John, there are a number of automotive history books. If anyone is dying to learn more about sex in the automobile, that actually cover this. There's chapters in automotive history books written about either sex in the automobile or just courting in the automobile and everything that has happened over time. I mean, the other thing to think about with this is I don't think the automobile industry necessarily takes this into account when they build a car or when they decide what options they're going to offer in a car. But over time, we also have to remember, I mean, number one, we have trucks, right? We have pickup trucks that have six to eight foot long, what we call beds. Okay. Not the bed that we think of in our house, but truck bed, but we have country song.

John: It's got an eight foot bed. That's already made.

Derek: It's got an eight foot bed that never has to be made. If I remember the line, correct. That's it. Yes. And there's some others. I was going to bring music into this eventually, too, because there's a lot of songs that kind of skirt around using the term sex, right, but talk about their truck beds or clearly referencing intimate relations within the automobile. But we've also had cars over time that the seats fold down completely and create a bed inside the car. I mean, all the way back, there were options in the 1920s. There were aftermarket kits you could buy to make your front seat of a five-passenger style sedan actually have hinges and fold down so you could have a full bed inside the car. There has been that option that came straight out of the factory of some of the automobile. Nash did one. Kaiser had one where the seats folded all down. And then there's also been car companies like Pontiac. Talk about the 74 Pontiac GTO on the show every now and then, one of my first cars. It had a tent option for the hatchback. I mean, you could take the car out and set up a tent and sleep in the back of it. And then when they brought out the Pontiac Aztec years later, It had a 10 option where you could take it out camping. You can't tell me that with those options, whether your seats folded down to create a full bed, anything like that, that those cars, you know what happened in those cars, you know, there was sex going on in those automobiles.

John: No, those were just tire drivers that would pull over into a rest area and then pop up their little tent. Yes, John. 85 and 86 Dodge Caravan also had a tent option.

Derek: Yes, John. What you're saying is they would pull over into a rest area and pop a tent. Yes. Yes. I see what you did there.

John: Well, maybe they were trying to take down their tent. You did say manufacturers don't necessarily design this into vehicles. This is a we touched on this a couple of weeks ago in our privacy episode. Remember, Nissan and Kia both state in their terms of use that Nissan can track your sexual activity and the Korean car company Kia can collect information about your sex life through information obtained through the infotainment systems in their vehicles. And since they printed in their book, they know what's happening. Maybe they are looking at all that seat belts in the wrong spot in my back. Oh, we got to move the seat belt, you know, or, well, we could use an extra three inches of width on this.

Derek: Okay. Okay. So historically speaking, I didn't, you know, think automobile companies took it into account, but obviously in the modern day, when cars can listen to you, maybe now it's going to become more important.

John: Well, they detect it. Let's see here. This is actually wording it a little better. Nissan and Kia collect deeply personal data, including sexual activity and weight.

Derek: So, OK, so sexual activity and weight that to me says they're trying to figure out how good the suspension of the vehicle is.

John: Well, I would assume if they're detecting, wait, here's an interesting one for you. And the car has a gross vehicle weight of X and you go in with a suspension failure and they go back to their data and say, oh, you had a gross, you know, you had so much stuff in the car. You're now the gross vehicle weight of Y. It's it's for warranty purposes.

Derek: Yes. Yeah. Well, we'll say that it's for warranty purposes.

John: You are talking about it in 2016. Thrillist.com published an article, and I've got this for three different years. January of 2016, the 10 best cars to have sex in. And they don't get very specific because the first one is the Ford F-150, which ironically, we have a sex story about the Ford F-150 in that other link that's attached in the show. Notrivinggloves.com slash 269 in case you want to go right to the episode and get those notes another one honda element which is interesting because that was a vehicle that was designed where you could just hose out the interior yep this this doesn't make sense if this is a i'm assuming this is an american article Mercedes-Benz CLS 63 AMG Shooting Brake. We did not get the Shooting Brake version of this car in the United States.

Derek: Maybe this is a global list.

John: But the next one would kind of go, wait, and then how do we know this? Because they didn't build very many of these cars. The Tucker 48. How many people do you think actually had sex in a Tucker 48 with only Well, round it and say 50 of these cars.

Derek: I'm trying to remember if the Tucker had the fold down front seats. I can't remember now if Tucker had the seats that would fold all the way back and create like beds inside. That may be what's qualifying it. However, the Tucker, the back seat of a Tucker is I mean, it's a it's a freaking couch. So

John: The widely luxurious and thoroughly padded additional space in the front seat was originally pitched as a safety feature, so people could easily tuck and roll during a collision. But that added capacity was more than perfect for an in-car Nooner in the driver's seat. What else would you expect from a designer that also gave us flying saucers? So they're just attributing it all to the front seat.

Derek: Well, I mean, it does have a lot of padding. It is a roomy car.

John: Well, it's got that crash bubble in the passenger side where you can duck down under the dash in case of an accident.

Derek: Extra. So extra leg room.

John: Which might allow you to duck down and do other things.

Derek: Exactly. Gives you that extra room to get down under the dash.

John: The Rolls Royce Phantom, going back to our previous conversation, those are just rolling couches to begin with. This one seems, it's not as weird as the next one. The Toyota Prius. They're attributing it to the ability to creep through neighborhoods quietly while it's under electric mode. The perfect post-coital getaway car. Nobody expects the Toyota Prius. Wow. I had one of these and I, well, we'll say an ex-girlfriend had one of these. And I don't know. Well, 2015 Fiat 500C. What? I think the C is the key point here because it's convertible.

Derek: Yeah, I was going to say, oh, man, that would be that must be for the petite people. That must be for the petite people.

John: Maybe you're not blanking cars for convenience. Maybe you're doing it in the hope of getting caught in a public place. If that's the case, the 500C convertible which is redundant. The 500 seat convertible is an exhibitionist dreamer. See how wide that top opens? Even an astronaut could spot the depravity happening in the back of this Italian devil. Now that's doing exhibition correctly. There's not that much room in the back. Yeah.

Derek: Well, that's why you got to have the top down. Then you're just, you know, you have all the space you need. I mean, you're just using the car as a platform at that point.

John: Now, this one's stupid because we know this happens. The Airstream Interstate Grand Tour. It's an RV.

Derek: Exactly. On a sprinter chassis. Like any any RV is going to make the list. I mean, for God's sake, they have a bed in the back.

John: It has a sleeper sofa, shower, TV, microwave. Hell, you could put a stripper pole in an Airstream Interstate Grand Tour if you wanted to.

Derek: I bet you there are a few out there with them already installed, John.

John: The Rinspeed Exchange-E I don't even know what this is. Oh, it's still in concept mode. So how can they know this is a good car to have?

Derek: This this list is starting to kind of be.

John: I mean, well, there's only one other vehicle and we know this one's there. It used to have blue jean fabric. The Jeep Wrangler. Oh yeah. Those Jeep owners. Take everything they said about the 500C. That applies to the Jeep Wrangler because heck, take the top off, the windows out, the doors off. I mean, heck, the car will get more naked than you can. Whoa, got that. But that was the most popular vehicles back in 2016.

Derek: I see you got the high beams on there.

John: So you need the Wrangler when you want to go climb the mountains. Yes. Now we'll jump to September of 2021. And this list was compiled by Ottawa. Love rides. The best cars to have sex in. Let's see here. Pick the next vehicle for your next trip down lover's lane. Land yachts. They're just giving you categories of cars.

Derek: Okay, land yachts, of course. Gotta have one of those.

John: 1975 Black Fleetwood is the photo example. I mean, if you're sub 6'5", you can lay out in the back seat.

Derek: You know, actually speaking to land yachts story from my past, not involving me in. Okay. Hang on. involving me, but not involving me in that way. There, how's that? When I was younger, and of course, we, dad has a restoration shop, right? So we restored a lot of different cars, but at one point we had a 65 Lincoln Continental in the shop that we were doing. I think it was just a, I think it was just paint job on that. I think if I remember right, the guy had restored the mechanical stuff on his own, got it to a point where needed a paint. So we did the paint job on it. needed to take interior out and get everything prepped, ready for the paint. Of course, being the kid in the shop, I got the job of tear the interior out. I assume the gentleman had never had the interior out of this car. He had bought it probably a few years and started the restoration and mechanicals and stuff, but Let's just say when I took the back seat out, there were a number of empty wrappers in the back that had been disposed of during those intimate moments in the back of that 65 Lincoln Continental. So it was very obvious what had been happening in that car in its previous life.

John: You were telling that story and it got me thinking. I restored a 48 Chevy years ago, and we pulled everything out of this car. I mean, I pulled the snake skin out of the dashboard, hairpins and all that. But when I removed the back seat, there was a vintage sealed prophylactic. Can't remember. I know I put it aside. I don't know if I kept it. I don't know if it's in my old toolbox because I stopped using that toolbox when I moved down here to Alabama and never really cleaned it out. So I don't know.

Derek: But yeah, we know this happens. Very fitting to place that in your toolbox, John.

John: A lot of puns in that.

Derek: Exactly. However, if it was like a if it was a vintage one, you should have had it like framed in a shadow box and just like presented it to the owner.

John: Well, actually, the owner had never seen this car. He bought it, never seeing it, shipped it to us to restore. First time he ever saw it was when the restoration was.

Derek: Oh, yeah, I get that. But I think it would have just been fun, you know, like, hey, here's something we found in the car.

John: I have a snake skin and a prophylactic in the shadow.

Derek: I mean, the snake skin is fitting, right? I mean, yeah, like, you know, I mean, it was a real snakeskin.

John: It wasn't like snakeskin boots or something, but it kind of kind of ties in there with the I mean, we've all pulled snakes and mouse skeletons and everything else out of cars. This goes on to give you the category of pickup trucks, of course, convertibles, taxi cabs. That's and but they have a picture of a silver checker here, not labeled as a taxi cab.

Derek: So I don't know if they mean retired taxi cabs or I mean, to me, it'd be awkward in a taxi cab because the driver. Right.

John: I mean, and London's black cabs.

Derek: Again, this goes back to the laws, right? So if you're in a taxi cab, do you have to ask? Like, do you lean forward and be like, hey, we want to, you know, back here in the back. Are you going to be offended?

John: I think when it happens in a taxi cab with a driver, you're probably too inebriated to ask. And then it's just up to how offended will the driver become? OK. All right. And I'm betting most taxi cab drivers won't be offended. So no law has been broken. Good point. Good point. And then this article actually goes on to naming two specific vehicles. And we've heard these two specific vehicles. So five years later, this article is voting for the Honda Element and the Jeep Wrangler. Man, the Honda Element. Both vehicles where you can actually hose out the interiors. All right. I guess one's for the more conservative and one's for the exhibitionist. And the one that has to be the most accurate because the automotive journalism from this site is stellar, no pun intended. It's actually pretty good most of the time. And this is from February 14th, 2013. Very appropriate date. And I did a public survey for Valentine's Day. We asked you to name the best vehicles for getting busy. And boy, did you all deliver. And this is from Jalopnik.

Derek: Ah, good old Jalopnik.

John: We visit our old friend. There's 21 or 20 vehicles on here, but we're visiting an old friend here. The Jeep Wrangler. And it's got a picture of the interior with all the seats laid out flat. The Honda Element. Ah, the Element. I mean, these seats recline to a 180 degrees. Let's see here. It's criteria or it's plus it's flat floor, backseat fold all the way out of the way, removable sunroof for when you need the extra headroom, multiple tie down points inside, cubbies for supplies, toys and refreshments. Wow. Retractable cargo area cover for providing some below the waist privacy for the modest. And most importantly, seamless vinyl flooring. Easy to clean up, nothing to stain. I've never been in one of these, I have seen one of these, and I don't know how this makes the list. Because I guarantee you, not many people have been in one. The Vector W8.

Derek: Yeah, how do these obscure cars make the list?

John: Auto gear selector on the left side of the driver's seat, giving her plenty of room and no shifter to the ribs, if you know what I mean. Oh, we know what they mean. Hey, guess what? Our other old buddies here, we'd have there is obviously a clear winner in this.

Derek: I think so. I think this would be the Jeep Wrangler. Now, interestingly, couldn't you take the majority of the Jeep lineup and put it in this? Because thing about like like you said the wranglers kind of for the exhibition is right but if you were more modest. I mean you have the honda element that you could go with but you could also go with like the grand cherokee. I was thinking the grand wagon or the grand wagon here yeah i mean then you've got more privacy for the more modest of those.

John: Well, they go on to say the obvious answer is a Jeep Wrangler. It can drive into the most secluded of areas. It has plenty of places to attach straps and tie downs. Take off the top, put down the windshield, and the roll cage is basically a jungle gym, perfect for optimal leverage in any number of positions. And want to get really wild, run that wench hook up over a tree limb and turn it into a swing.

Derek: The possibilities are endless from our friends at Jalopnik, right? Oh, those guys.

John: Hell, I've never loved or I've never liked the Wrangler much, but I might have just convinced myself to buy one.

Derek: Oh, geez. Which which one of the guys at Jalopnik wrote this?

John: I don't have the editor on this. Oh, man. This was submitted by Dave Mann, but I don't know who actually wrote the text. That was who submitted the Wrangler. I gotcha. Gotcha. The next vehicle is the Mark one Audi TT.

Derek: Now I'm just going to say, this is, this just popped into popped into my head. Imagine, you know, walking through a car collection and just like, or like even just like this brass era car collection or something or very, you know, and then all of a sudden there's this Jeep Wrangler, like Jeep Wrangler, how does that fit in? Like, that's just, that's just my fun car. Like, that's just, we just, just keep looking at the other stuff.

John: What would be the episode that see here? We've had 50 shades of gray, which you have 50 different shades of Jeeps.

Derek: Oh, there you go. There you go. Or would you just have each one in a slightly? Yeah, you could have have different shades of yeah. Or or you could have 50 different options. Maybe there'd be like 50 options that would.

John: Oh, I'm thinking if you really tried over history, you could buy Jeeps and 50 different shades of gray.

Derek: I'm sure you could.

John: Yeah, the Audi TT. I don't like the description. This guy gave six. He's six foot three. She was 511. It was tight. He doesn't give any advantages to an Audi TT.

Derek: I mean, that's it's a small car.

John: This guy nominated the Dodge D 50 pickup.

Derek: No, any truck, right? I mean, really, any truck is going to be good.

John: Have you ever seen a Dodge D50 pickup? They're not that big. This one would be the six foot bed.

Derek: Well, that's what I'm saying. I mean, I'm not talking about the cab, right? I mean, any truck is good because you've got a bed. So unless we're qualifying that it has to be inside the cabin of the vehicle, then then, yeah, the D50 wouldn't be great. But if you can qualify with the bed, then any pickup is going to be good.

John: But that's where I kept the removable hard top for my truck.

Derek: Well, there you go.

John: Uh, this is a Japanese vehicle and it seems to be named appropriately the Honda SMX.

Derek: Hmm. Interesting.

John: Name says it all. You can look it up. All the seats fold down flat. It's kind of like a, I want to say it looks a lot like a three door hot Honda element, two front doors and one passenger rear door. And the picture actually has it with a orange interior.

Derek: Yeah. I mean, that's clearly, yeah. I mean, it's, it's nothing more than the same, same principle as an element.

John: So Cadillac Fleetwood gets a vote here again, except this guy's talking about an 88. Oh yeah.

Derek: Remember when they had that, like re I mean, they literally Laura couches. Remember when they had that, um, Oh, the cloth interior, it was almost a, it was almost like the lure. Uh, you remember that? And they, they actually had like, The big buttons on the seat, like a cow. I mean, it was. Yeah. I mean, come on, that's perfect.

John: Well, this guy claims he even had red bulbs put into the opera lights. Oh, sweet. Guess that means he couldn't afford a van. You know, there's the other, this guy dominated. He nominated a 66 old tornado. Yeah, I can see that huge back seat and a no center. Exactly.

Derek: That's what had it all the way across. That's what I was going to say. There's no center hump flat floor.

John: Boom. He goes on to say that said even a Miata is possible with the right partner.

Derek: Yeah. I mean, with the top down, I mean, any convertibles, I mean, they work right. Top down, boom, you got it.

John: This guy just voted for opportunity because he said his 97 Pontiac Grand Prix, because that's what he drove to high school.

Derek: Yeah. Speaking of which high school, early college, if you're listening to this show and you're in that age range and you're partaking in these activities, please send pictures only if you're of age. Remember, let's, let's keep that in there, but do your friends a favor and yeah, Clean your car up afterwards because there's nothing. Well, I mean, it's hilarious, but it's also a little off-putting to get in your buddy's car and have him not realize that the passenger side Uh, when someone sits in it and looks out the windshield, there's, you know, footprints and handprints on the windshield. I'm just speaking from experience of getting in a buddy's car and being like, dude, you couldn't even clean the windshield. Come on.

John: Nobody ever cleans the inside of the windshield. The Gen 2 Barracuda Fastback. I'd actually go with the Gen 1 because I like the big glass. Yes. But he's right, and I think this would also probably apply to a Mustang 2.2 plus 2 also, or fastback Mustang, I guess. They fold down rear seats, you know, that whole floor went flat and you got to utilize the trunk area. He also goes on to say, come to think of it, that big glass window allowed the cop came tapping a good view.

Derek: Oh, yeah. Again, there you go. You got to be on that. You know, are you doing the exhibitionist thing or are you going to try to be modest? So got to think about that with the windows.

John: And this one's a total joke. Of course, he's probably right. Once you're in it, it'll probably last forever as he nominated the PLP 50.

Derek: So we have a P50 at work. I've sat in and I haven't driven it yet, but that's impossible.

John: He said, and you get very close. And if you do, you might just stay permanently attached.

Derek: I don't think the man, the person, sorry, the person, we don't know if it was a man or a woman that submitted, or at least I don't, John May. I'm guessing they've never been around or in a PLP 50.

John: I'm guessing. Well, it's by from Drew Young. So I guess we still don't know if it's a.

Derek: Now, Appeal Trident, the bubble car, there's room for two people.

John: This goes along with what you kind of argued earlier, the Jeep Cherokee XJ. I mean, it's just an SUV. He does warn you to be careful of the hood temperature because the four point outs do get a little bit warm. But I'm sorry, the car person in me could not do that. I don't care who the person was, not the hood. It dents.

Derek: Oh, he was talking about that. Oh, yeah. No, no, no. Don't don't do that. That's. And why?

John: I mean, there's plenty of good fabric.

Derek: Exactly. Like there's there's foam padding and, you know, cloth or leather inside the car. Why would you on a big flat piece of metal? No. And like you said, John, you're going to dent it. Don't do that.

John: And this gentleman nominates a 78 AMC Matador Coupe. I guess the front seats fold flat. Yeah. Any of the cars that fold flat? I think a lot of these people aren't nominating the best cars to have sex in. They're just nominating the cars they've had sex in. Mercury Grand Marquis. I mean, heck, you could have sex in the car. Your buddy could have sex in the car and your other buddy could have sex in the trunk and you never see each other.

Derek: Exactly. I mean, something like that. I mean, That's like just, yeah, that's a party. I mean, literally in some of those land yachts, you could have like a swingers party going on.

John: You get a nomination for the first gen Toyota RAV4 because the seats fold flat. You know, for that matter, I could dominate my old 2014 Ford Edge Sport because the seat, well, the driver's seat didn't, but the passenger seat and the rear seats all folded flat. Mercedes-Benz 600 Grosser Pullman for the discriminating sexual adventurists with aspirations of being a mid-20th century third world ruler. Room in the back for you and three of your compidines. Privacy curtains to control your sexual proclivities from the eyes of the unwashed masses. So there, I mean, it's perfect for California. Pull those curtains, like you said. An armed driver to swoon into silence. And then, let's see here, all that plus cabinets for your favorite champagne and a copy of the Kama Sutra. or the August 1981 penthouse with your ride over crumbling streets of your capital city smoothed out by one of the finest leather upholsteries to ever be installed in a vehicle and a 30,000 PSA hydraulic suspension system. Okay. Honda Fit, again, seats fold flat. I mean, is that the correct criteria, the seats fold flat?

Derek: Just because it turns into like a bed, so you got room. I mean, honestly, if that's your concern, just go buy a truck. Subaru Outback Wagon? Yeah, I can see that.

John: Rear folds perfectly flat, and then the front seats turn into a bed completely flat. Somebody said… Somebody said what? Well, we all know the joke. Miata is always the answer. This gentleman said he's going to explode the universe now because Miata is not the answer.

Derek: Yeah, no, I cannot. No, not a Miata.

John: Let's just say I've had a Miata and we'll leave it.

Derek: Exactly. I've never had a Miata, so. But all the talk about best cars made me think, and just do a quick search. There's lists of the best cars, and if you really want to dive deeper into this, we won't go into this on the show, but you can also find the best lists of the best positions for sex in the car. You know, that's highly dependent on the V. Well, that's where I was going to go, you know, pick out which vehicle, you know, off of these lists, then go to the lists of best positions and start figuring out, you know, what's going to work for you, especially when you go to buy a new car, make sure you're thinking about all of this.

John: Well, we'll close the show with this one controversial topic, but there's nothing wrong with it. We each all have our own little fetishes. Mechanophobia or mechanophilia is involving a sexual attraction to machines such as bicycles, cars, helicopters and airplanes. With helicopters, be careful what you do.

Derek: That's exactly what I was thinking. Like, ooh, helicopter.

John: All of a sudden, I'm thinking of it had to be a Mel Brooks movie, and it probably was history of the world part one where they had the song Circumcision. And ironically, I found a link to guide to sex with cars for males on SVT performance dot com. Obviously, this isn't one of Tony Watley's former website.

Derek: Clearly.

John: And this gentleman does warn you to read the entire document before trying any of these steps.

Derek: Maybe it's taking it a step too far. Maybe not.

John: Yeah, we're not going to read this one again.

Derek: We'll find out in the edit.

John: I don't even know. You've got enough information to Google this one. I don't even think I'm going to put the link to this one because he's very thorough. If you could write this much detail in a car performance website when it comes to installing car parts and that, we would never make a joke about Internet forums. I mean you would go there for every car needs you want if the posts were actually written with this much.

Derek: And description you google this when you're so but here's my question and if this is taking things too far it will get edited out in the editing process if not.

John: Look, Derek's saying it. I'm not going to edit it out. It doesn't embarrass me.

Derek: My question is, talking about mechanophilia, will the advent of the electric vehicle, which will have no exhaust pipes, create a problem for people with this fetish, specifically men with this fetish?

John: With that question, you said, and the fact that we always refer to well, men always refer to their vehicles as females, you know, and this baby's fast, this, you know, check her out. The tailpipe of the car is, of course, where the exhaust comes comes out. So in this sense, the tailpipe is the anus. We can tie that back to which.

Derek: Yeah, it was I'm just posing a question. I'm not.

John: That allows for no more tailpipe sex.

Derek: Exactly. And if you really want to know historically, in my opinion, what has been the best vehicle for, not mechanophilia, for sex in cars, let's just all remember the shagging wagons of the 1970s and 80s.

John: Like I said, remember the episode I did a few weeks ago on the minivan? Yes. And my love for CRXs. I guess that's going to be it for episode 269.

Derek: Yeah, I think we've climaxed and I think it's over.

John: I think we got out of this pretty unscathed. And it's obvious we have a clear winner. Well, we have a tie for first. If you would like to really, actually, I'm going to say we do have a clear winner. The Honda Element is a close second, but that jalopnik description of the various tie downs, the monkey bar system, the wench, it really might make me consider it. More seriously, a Jeep Wrangler. And if you really want to get into it, the Gladiator. Oh, yeah. Because it throws the pickup into the Jeep Wrangler.

Derek: Whoa. You know, we were talking about, we keep mentioning the fact that we need some press vehicles. So, you know, hopefully if anybody from Jeep is listening, just, you know.

John: We could give you an interesting review. Exactly. I'm sorry, I can't get it down, but I left your Jeep hanging from the tree over there off 11th Street. But that winch is one hell of an option. And it makes you also wonder if the new Ford Bronco will provide some competition because it has many of the same advantages.

Derek: Yeah, yeah. So Ford, if anybody from Ford's listening, press vehicle, we can we can write a review.

John: Well, with that, I'm going to close out the show, wrap it up, I guess now. If any of you remember the, the three W's of life at this point, we're just gonna skip the, we've already done the first two and now we'll just worry. Talk to you on the next episode. Where's, where was the closing?

Derek: That was the closing. Get off your ass and burn some grass, er, gas.

John: Oh, I guess I will add that. So just remember, everybody, show some ass and burn some gas. Talk to you next week. Perfect.

Voice Over: This show was a part of the No Driving Gloves Network, produced and edited by John Viviani of Magic City Podcast, with voice work by Gary Conker. So until the next exit,